I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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