it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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