So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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