I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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