it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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