He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Fuck appropriateness.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
