Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
