Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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