No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
