we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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