I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize