Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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