community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
