The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
