I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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