There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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