Walk of Shame. In a state park.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
