Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
We are two peas in an std pod
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
