this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
