Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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