I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
