maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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