haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
