I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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