Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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