you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
