i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Vodka?
Forever.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
