yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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