He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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