You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
