girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
