so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
