I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
