you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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