I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
