im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
