Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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