I wanna bring you to show and tell
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Randomize
