He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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