My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
