When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
