I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
