help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
