I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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