All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
