i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
