The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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