So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
