I'm drive I can fine osifer
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
