Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
