please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
