you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
