He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
