I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
