I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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