It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
