i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
