Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
