i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
