you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize