Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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