so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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