Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
