theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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