..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
