Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
