Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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