there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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