..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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