Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
