just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
